Every so often things happen in the world of football that are entirely catastrophic and changes the way we view the game for the worse. The Hillsborough disaster of 1989 changed the way fans attend football games, and fans would also have learnt not to taunt players following Eric Cantona’s flying kick on a Crystal Palace fan in 1995.
Both of these incidents were disastrous, though only one has a bit of a funny side – perhaps less so if your name is Matthew Simmons.
To our detriment, The Barclays English Premier League has lost one its funniest sons in Ian Holloway, though he shall surely return to the English top-flight in the not-too distant future – hopefully. Holloway is a manager with a catalogue of quips and anecdotes to delight the media at a moment’s notice – once asked about his appointment as manager of Blackpool, he stated: “I love Blackpool. We’re very similar – we both look better in the dark.”
If anything, Ian Holloway could fill this column on his own – this legendary quote describes his thoughts on Cristiano Ronaldo “He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.“
These are dark days in our game as footballing world superpowers have fallen well short of their billing. Italy have bowed out at the group stage of a second successive World Cup, England perennially find themselves in a ‘Group of Death’ no matter the competition (and fail to progress if not qualify at all), and only Euro 2012 saw them advance to the quarterfinal stage where they succumbed to Italy. Spain’s bid for a second consecutive World Cup triumph was snuffed out in its infancy and Brazil appear to be limping from one match to the next on their home turf.
AC Milan have also fallen from grace in spectacular fashion, Manchester United have a rebuild of biblical proportions on their hands, and Arsenal’s wheels seem to come off every season as soon as the thought of league honours enters their collective mind. Liverpool fans may giggle at this, but The Reds are getting on for 30 years without a league trophy – dark days indeed.
World football governing body, FIFA are having to deny allegations of corruption – something even the government of Somalia will take with a pinch of salt (hint: Somalia is so corrupt, they have no government).
It doesn’t end there either – Luis Suarez is incapable of making it through a year without suffering some sort of ban and even the Ballon D’or only managed a solitary goal at this year’s World Cup.
While Suarez’s latest indiscretion is hardly a source of mirth, I have managed to find at least some amusement in the aftermath thanks to the friendly folk of the internet (please excuse any profanity):
And just because it can’t ALL be Luis Suarez:
Please comment below and send me your favorite moments of moments of football hilarity?